Why can't I seem to get ahead? Sometimes I feel like this whole thing is so unfair. I work so very hard, try to be respectful to others, treat them with kindness, smile. I've always been the good girl, the "never had a problem with me" kinda gal. If you need my help, I'm one of the first ones to offer it, and actually follow through. I've always tried to do what's right. Lately though, it's just been so very tough. What bill will we pay this month, and which ones will we put off until next month. Why don't I ever get a break? I'm just getting so very tired of the struggle. Sometimes, I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep, not have a care in the world. Even when I'm inside screaming " Fuck you, world", I just put on a smile, and try to be brave, assure others things will be okay. It's getting so very difficult to face this shit anymore.
Funny, when I get stressed, I get mad cleaning. You'd think I'd have the cleanest house around, but I don't even have the energy to keep up with that anymore. My guts are all in knots, my hearts constantly racing, my head's swimming. I just want some direction. Why can't I have the confidence on the inside, that I so bravely show on the outside?
One of my favorite books growing up was " Are you there, God. It's me, Margaret". Sometimes thats how I feel, is any one listening? Can anyone hear me, now?
Well, tomorrow's got to be better, I guess. I'll just put on my brave face again, and do my best, and be kind to others, and smile again....
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