Science

Hubby and I watched a show on History channel last night. At first, I was a bit bored. Then I realized it was about the " Big Bang Theory". Strangely enough, I knew a lot of the information, before they even broadcast it. I was such a nerd in school. I LOVED Science class. Especially those of natural sciences like Ecology and Biology. Chemisty, not so much. Got me to thinking, I should at least check out some books in the library, polish off the old brain cells, and get to thinking again. What a great challenge to my mind! What a great thing to look forward to again, to be excited about learning again. Here I am, at 45 yrs old, and excited about learning. Go figure. I love science. Guess you can't take the geek out.

Remembering

My grandmother passed away almost two years ago. The day my mom called me, I burst in to tears. She didn't have to tell me, because the night before I had a dream that she came to me to tell me goodbye. I couldn't figure out why she was saying goodbye. I hadn't seen her in years, since she was put in the nursing home center at the end of her life. I still don't know if this was a good thing, or not. I want to remember grandma as the always-smiling-lovely person that she was.
I was the first grandchild. A granddaughter, and BOY was I spoiled. She doted on me, taking me under her wing. She always stayed in my room when they came to visit, and I'd sleep on the floor, so grandma would be comfortable. I could do NO wrong. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a perfect child, but in this womans eyes, I did no wrong. She was my strongest advocate, and one of my biggest supporters, no matter what I did.

My grandma LOVED Christmas. Everything about it. The lights, the snow, the gifts, the family time. She sparkled for months til and after about the holiday. That's probably where I got my love for it.

Recently, my mom, her only daughter, finally went through grandma's stuff, that she's had tucked throughout the house since her death. There was numerous boxes of christmas things. None of them especially expensive, or fancy, but nonetheless, special to her. My mom gave those things to me, to display. I will, this year. As I think of my families past, the love we shared with all our hearts....none of the gifts stuck out in my mind. What did stick out, and always will, was the special feeling of the love that my grandma gave me every holiday. I hope that some day, I'll be able to impart to my kids, that special love of the spirit of family, of love, of togetherness. It doesn't have to be fancy, expensive, or any of that. It just has to be about the memories that they'll tell their kids...someday.

Simple Pleasures

There aren't many pleasures nowadays, with hubby's severely broken leg and all. There are some though, that I wouldn't trade for the world.
One of them is right outside my front door. I planted some mammoth sunflower seeds in the spring, and they have grown beautifully this summer. Now, in the waning days of summer, they are seeded out, and the birds are just loving them! As I sit out there, I see a family of six titmice pecking at the seed heads, to find their favorite food. Funny thing is, one titmouse will fly in, hit a browning leaf, and they all scatter, just to realize it was one of them making a noise, and immediately they're back for more. Some of the seed heads I cut off the dead stems, and placed on a platform feeder. These noisy little birds, just happy to have all this abundant food available, chirping, tapping, flitting around.
Then a few moments later, a beautiful male goldfinch flies in to see what he can gather for a meal. He lands on a plant, looks around, flies to the top of the seed head and proceeds to turn upside down to retrieve a seed. Another goldfinch, swoops in to see what all the fuss is about.
I have a hummingbird feeder buried amongst the stalks of huge sunflowers, and in they zoom to quickly sip a quick drink, and buzz off to the nearby tree to rest.
It's so relaxing, to sit out there in the afternoons, and just let the activities of nature take me away to a calm place.
Next to me, off the front porch, a butterfly bush is busy with swallowtail butterflies, monarch butterflies, and hummingbird moths, along with plenty of bees, all searching for their nectar.
I love the waning days of summer, cooler breezes promising relief from the scalding days of past, watching nature prepare for the winter.

Relearning life's importance

Life's sure been hectic these last few weeks. Hubby severely broke his leg almost three weeks ago. Unfortunately, we didn't realize how bad until about four days later. We thought that it was just torn ligaments, so he suffered for days, with two bones broken in his lower, left leg. I feel guilt and all that comes with that, on not insisting that he go to the ER earlier, but what's done is done, as they say.
So, now here we are, almost a full three weeks later. He's undergone two surgeries, has been living in a narcotic haze, and still faces months of physical therapy, before he can even put any weight on the leg.
It's been a stressful, scary, lonely ride, but also an eye opening experience. One thing I've learned for sure, is that I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. At first, all of it was so overwhelming, that I don't know how I could've gotten through it without the support of my fabulous family and friends. I've had to learn firsthand, on how to care for someone who can't care for themselves. It's a good lesson, since hubby is 15 yrs older than I, and more than likely will be an issue for us both later in our lives.
I've also learned that right questions to ask, and how to ask, and who to ask. Feeling a little more in control, makes the day to day tasks that much easier to handle.
My bosses have been fantastic, giving me the time I needed to deal with care, from home health aides, to coordinating family and friends as sitters, to surgeries, etc. One fantastic thing about working for a family business, they do emphasize the importance of family. I've known this for some time, since hubby has been dealing with cancer for years now, as well.
Learning to deal with work, care, hospitals, even transporting the ever hurting hubby, has been challenging, but I'm getting better at asking for help when I needed it.
It's still an adjustment dealing with having to do EVERYTHING, from taking out the trash to working, to paying bills, to coordinating health care. I'm figuring it out, now, and learning that the dust bunnies can wait, the lawn will have to look like a jungle for a bit, and the work can be handled, even if on Saturdays.
Thank god for my wonderful family and friends.

Art

I've always loved art. Paintings, music, photographs, although I could never get the hands to do what I wanted on canvas. Give me flowers, plantings, trees, soil, and mulch, and I create. Getting my hands in the soil, smelling the fresh earth, moist, loose and I regress to my childhood. My mom shares the love of the soil. She must've showed me her secrets. How wet the soil should be, how much food it'll need, and the colors. The palettes of mother earth, I revel in them.
I share my gardens of sage greens, waving strands of lavender, their stalks of sweet perfume waving in the light breeze. The deep purples and bright greens of the butterfly bush, beckoning the butterflies and bees to come forth. The soft creams of the mums with their deep forest green leaves, waiting til the perfect autumn cool to show their beauty. The deep yellows of sunflowers stretching to the heavens, calling forth the golden yellow goldfinches with their seeds. My coreopsis, a light lavender flower, ever blooming, growing tall near the sea oats grass, lazily swaying in summer winds. I anxiously await the summer rains to soak the soil with their nourishment, allowing the flowers to stand tall with blossoms beckoning back to old, summer days. My palette is brown, sweet, and soft, and my shovels await my work.

Why I fell in love with you

You call me in to your office. You're listening to a new song. It must be special, so I sit and listen to it with you. It's a sweet love song, from a father to a daughter. As the words unfold, I notice that you turn your face away. You start swallowing hard. I notice you wipe an eye. The song sings of a father, leaving a message on his voicemail, in case you call, asking you to hurry home. You get up, and leave, facing away from me. When you return, you sit, quietly, just listening. We sit there in the quiet when the song is done. Your tender face turns to me and says, " tear jerker" then you place your face in your hands, missing the little girl that was, the beautiful, smart woman she's become. I can only hug you, and fall more in love with you at that moment. You are so strong, my rock when I'm weak, and for a brief moment, you show me that you miss her and the little girl she was. Breathe itself, couldn't stop me from loving you more than I do at this moment. Thank you for sharing your life and your love with me.

Exciting new adventures

My oldest daughter finally bit the bullet and opened her own business this past week. How does one describe the pride one feels when the children you've born reach for their dreams? She's always been a dreamer, a creator, an artist. How I wish I could see in my mind's eye what she sees, but I do have the privilege of viewing them to my heart's content, and I'm still amazed at the beauty in it all. Breathtaking beauty. It amazes me that one can see an object that we've all driven by day after day, and just ignored. She'll look at it, look at how the light hits it, see the angles of it, watch the backdrops of it, and then frame it in her head for the perfect shot. Then with pride, she'll send it to me, and I'll just sit there, mouth agape, in pure awe at the creativity of it all. Something that would take an amateur like me hours to frame, seems to come to her instantaneously, and then it's another capture, for us lucky enough to know her, to admire.

How does one describe the pride? Well, this one just smiles, and she knows.